unable to say

the following is a very strange entry i made in my notebook yesterday. i think i blame notebook withdrawal for a month:

The... rhythm of my life is an interesting one - ever changing yet ever constant. You seem to know where you're going but it's all the same in the end.

Round in circles?

Blue. It's all blue. With streaks of grey and white and black. And all you see are the stars.

Footsteps, steady or skipping around. Silences. Music, good music... Words, voices of people you know. Laughter. The sound of trains on train tracks, the steady rhythm... Humming. Silence again.

The Soundtrack of My Life?

You let the words form music - the melody and rhythm - in your head. They flow and bend and twirl. You shape them gently, fluidly, gracefully. They paint a world for you, the music, the words, the colours. They colours of thought and feeling. Until everything is blue.

So blue.

The words cling to you and haunt you, following you around. They smear your eyes and cloud your ears. There is nothing left but you, and this world that is so, so blue. You swim.

Until you're painted black.

(The soundtrack to my life is blue. And the words sound like you.)

But of course, the bottom is waiting. You're sliding slowly near it. It rises and catches you, then lets you go.

It whispers to you to forget - forget the past, and the present, and the future. It doesn't matter. It's a story of epic proportions, and it take you the walk home to read it. And when it's done, you smile.

Which is, of course, the right thing to do.

Polite, at the very least.

You take a bow and exit the stage.

~

I really have no idea what I'm doing.

I think it started out a bit logical - I was thinking about the Rhythm of your Life thing for mediarumba. then i just went stream of conscious and for some reason all sorts of things popped up... the longer bit with sounds was something like a collection of the sounds that I like I think... then i started talking about... writing I think. like, shaping words and stuff. and then i just linked it back to the colours and it all went mad.

i find it a bit frightening. but in a strange way, i like it.

hurm.

and it's back to school again. sigh.

i hope everything will be alright.

(there are two wishes in my life that have come true, and both of them took time. the first was rather arbitrary. the second is just... unexplainable, incredible, wonderful. so i don't know what i'm looking for...)

when your mind's made up...