i can't

funny things happening lately, but firstly....

whee art project(s)!

our rocking chair is finally done yay. wooden frame and stuffing and sewing and all. we even had extra bubble wrap to pop afterwards. haha.

my snail teapot's head and tail broke off this afternoon. i had to fix it.

and my cube is... mostly complete... though it looks rather strange and shabby. i'm not that good with wood.

sigh

exams are barely 2 weeks away and i'm feeling all strange. tired, for one. recovering from flu. had a fever on sunday and didn't do any work then woke up on monday feeling perfectly fine... and was obliged to go to school. so annoying when that happens. TIP is finally done and i'm really glad that it is... not the most cooperative group that i've been in, minus janelle of course. woodwork is also incredibly exhausting.

my mind keeps drifting away from work. to people - i keep worrying about them, though there's really really no point and i can't do anything. i keep thinking about stuff after the exams... nano, random outings, sleep. heh. and of course, london and paris.

gah i still can't believe i'm going. (feels bad for writing about it.. eh. )

it is... decidedly strange to grow up.

or maybe it's just... time in general, that changes people.

things have been odd.

life is odd.

have you ever read/seen the book bamboozled? the first time i read it i was in kindergarten... all those years ago XD back in that strangely cosy classroom on the first floor next to the quadrangle lined with silver benches, the piano... there was one, wasnt there? one of the first i'd ever seen. the other was at church, and it smelt of wood and dust and salt. i played my first song on that one. heart and soul, the left hand of the base.

i remember the little hill next to the building. it wasn't really a hill... like a really slanted grass plain. and once we rolled hoops and balls down to see which would roll faster. it was next to a carpark and we'd always park all the way to the right. if we didn't it was odd... same tree same parking space every week. though i barely remember what the trees were like.

we had to get up really early every Sunday, so we could drive there. the trip was always the same, and in the middle there was a really steep road that i was reminded of in that scene in Princess Diaries where the girl... forgot her name... had to scooter up every day after school. and very often we'd get stuck in a traffic jam on the road and i'd worry that the brakes would stop working and we'd start rolling down and hit the next car. once i saw this strange man walking across the street through the car window. he was wearing a dress. i was really weirded out then.

i was... five.. six?

the house was lovely. if i could live in a house it would be something like that one. i remember the staircase and the carpet, grey and scratchy. for some reason i always see the house from the living room, and walk around it from there. the balcony, the view of the street. the swimming pool were i floated around in an inflatable swimsuit in. the leaves would always fall in from the surrounding trees and i hated them, i always swam away from them. sometimes my dad would get a net and fish them all out. there was the grumpy neighbour... man with white hair. i think he had kids but they were all grown up. we lived in number... i forget the number. but i keep seeing the big bin parked outside the house with a number 3 spray painted on it. i think it might have been number 20.

that was the house were everything began, where my dreams took me falling down those stairs and my hands took me climbing up. where i saw banana tree leaves from the room at the back, and played with little puzzles from the shelf that was always covered in dust. where i watched TV and saw and heard and learnt... where i knitted my first handkerchief - bands of pink and yellow and green. it looked horrible. where i was buried under black and grey beanbags while i squashed my sister under them and my auntie squashed me. where i saw the first clock i knew. where the table was made of glass and had strange corners that were padded with plastic. where the mirrors tessellated across the wall. where i was afraid of the wooden tiki mask that hang over the top floor landing and refused to go up when the lights were out. where i rolled out of the bed. where i first cried. where my mum would hold me and sing me to sleep when i was too itchy and irritated to relax. where i drew and coloured bumblebees and scribbled on dinosaurs. where i would ask my auntie for sticks of gum, small and green, as a treat. where the shoes were always a mess when people came over and the bottom floor landing would smell of leather. where the room opposite was so cool... and i never remembered what was there. where the bike got stolen once and i misheard my dad and i thought a duck had stolen it. where my sister would say "uh oh!" when she dropped the spoon. where a bag of onions would always lie next to the sink counter and i'd peel the layers off bit by bit - purple to white - and my auntie would make pumpkin soup. where the street ran on and turned out to the main street, opening out to the world...

that was

life

back then.

Lord i miss them so much. Oh...