time

the impossibility of this astounds me. if life is truly meant to be this way then i'm in for a whole lot more of surprises.

i've been waiting, hoping, struggling, wishing. i've been watching and thinking and praying... wondering. but things now...
i'd never have thought...
it seems like it's all mounting to the climax. my heart casts a clear assent. my head lays out in detail its reasons for dissent. so my soul is in turmoil. i cannot think, cannot see...

anything but him

i can't. i really shouldn't. the three, no, four things that point so far away from it... it's impossible. foolish. please don't don't don't...
don't tell don't you dare say a word no don't
then there's the recent times, the incredible battle within me to please please no please just... oh i think i'm losing my head.

my heart racing when i feel him

i don't know. i really don't know anymore. i wait. i still wait. waiting for the kairos. the time, the right time for it all. praying please please please praying oh i need help.
Lord...
i'm just waiting.


this is the longest wait i've ever felt in my life.
(and at the same time it's so foolish ever so foolish can't it just... argh...)
(blue... so blue... such a beautiful beautiful blue)