false

yes, here i am again

no, i'm not back yet. i'll be back on the 31st, when everyone will be busy moving in.

yes, philippines was good. we set off fireworks and took photos of the stars. i swam in circles at the pool.

no, my knee doesn't hurt, even though i bashed two holes into it yesterday when i fell of my bike.

yes, city of ember was really nice. i want to watch it again.

no, i haven't gotten a call recently. neither have my parents. we were away.

yes, i've heard. i just heard.

no, i didn't know. i didn't know.

i came online today and was told to call divya, which i suppose now was the best thing to do. and for all those who don't know yet, though i doubt there are any, hui yin passed away on saturday.

and i am truly ever so deeply sad.

can these thoughts be put into words?

i guess i can't believe it yet, it's still sinking in. the sudden news like a violent storm (pouring water roaring lights, come, gone, the aftermath a mess) what happened? how could it happen? i don't know.

regret? yes. that i never spoke to her more. me and divya and her talking in the classroom a few weeks after we first met, ranting about homework and joking about teachers, people, thoughts. asking about each other. i guess it was funny then, that prof lai (was it?) walked past, and asked if she was new. a few days later he congratulated the level on "intergrating well" with the new people. it was never hard,

she smiled a lot.

all the time i suppose. almost. as lost as i was when it came to physics and stuff, but she always did well. eating icecream that afternoon at the gym area. i still haven't treated her back. oops.

i miss her.

tripping over lines, sleeping in class. maybe it's just the way it was supposed to be? but could it possibly be -right-

that a journey should end so soon.

maybe.

i don't think it will ever go away. which is the way i'll have it be.

but still

this has never happened before.

now i know why there are no words, that the silence hangs, as the shock sets in
why you look desperately for a shoulder to cry on, later on, as the tears start streaming
and there's no where to go
and no where to look to
because for a moment, that's all there is in you
nothing
everything

if
there are so many of them
and here's another

i guess
we can feel sad?
for a while

i guess
we all have no idea
what's coming next

i guess we'll have to move on
in a while
for a while

all the way
until the story ends.

(after that, who knows where the river bends?)



thank you, hui yin.