holiday post!

because holidays... need posts!

I'm back home! yay... mm it's nice.

the london-paris trip post is in progress. because it is that long. i just felt bored and decided to post anyway.

whee...

i'm glad. i'm just glad. the world is so confusing and weird and strange but i can still feel safe. and that's what i'm glad for.

mm?

i suppose.

for now it's the holidays. it's a break. from school, from work, from "reality". that's how it is to me - all the mugging and rushing and brainboiling. reality. what we have to do, what we are obliged to do, by whatever it is, for whatever we are working for. it all seems so pointless at times, but i don't know, a part of me enjoys it, the other hates it.

for now, we can breathe.

we can look at the skies, that have turned from murky grey to a clear crystally blue (or pink, or purple (violet)). we can pick up those things that we have set aside for "when we're free" and actually have time to do them. the problem with singapore is that the kids are forced to study so much that when the hols come, they have nothing to do, cause they have no life in the first place, besides the studying. they end up... studying. well i suppose there's nothing really wrong with that, i just find it... sad.

like sunsets, at the end of the most perfect day - the most perfect ending, i suppose.

holidays are when i dream, it's when i let go of all the stupid stress (that i put on myself, because that's just the way i am?) and just... do stuff. hmm. guitar now? reading later? ok. let's bake a cake!

today i watched tv. heh.

i still owe various people their presents from london/paris. to the people who've gotten their stuff, i hope you like it XD souvenier shopping is a new experience for me. i just bought random stuff that seemed fun and gave them away later XD

hmm. mehhh

next year. i hope i'll survive. ms ng was talking to me at the ptm (cause i requested one XD) and there was the usual "you have a lot of potential!" talk, which is alright and all, just that it makes me kinda sad? cause i do agree that i can do a lot better, but i kind of stopped pushing myself that hard (which is why CAP has maintained a very pretty best fit line - it's like a straight line right across the page, cept for the first sem) partly because... i don't want to. my first sem was crazy, i did really good, because it was very easy and because i really didn't bother much about anything else back then. it's habit i've had since primary school. got work? just do it. which is still what i see studying as - a good habit. if i break it i'll never get started again. laziness heh. i think it was sem two that i started caring more about ... people? talking with them, dreaming with them, writing, listening to music, enjoying time as it passed, as it was given to us. bit by bit. and i like it better this way, cause i don't do all that bad, but i can still have fun in between.

hmm...

if i were to put in more effort studying, i know i could do it. but do i want to? eh.

life is... all about choices, some say. to some degree i agree (haha). though sometime's we're not given the choice.

wondering why i am the way i am. factors? many.

maybe i'll type more on this another day [distracted by msn convos]