rage

no don't worry i'm not angry

it's just short for "raging hormones" though that would be a weird title.

cause... i feel that i've changed.
i'm not all happy and innocent like before (if i ever was). i think differently now. i'm not as shy. i can talk to a lot of different people now. i'm proud to be myself. i get annoyed at petty things. get weird thoughts. i dislike myself sometimes. i talk differently too. you can stop reading this if you like. sometimes i think i like a certain guy, then i dont anymore. sometimes i cant think straight. i get really motivated over something, then get confused and drop it. i'm afraid of being rejected, then realise that i'm ok. i'm ok, then get all depressed for a while. i get mood swings. i'm mad. i'm happy. i'm bad. i'm a growing teenager who's rather confused and annoyed.
and i all came at once. like.... from after i left sg till now. is it maturity? argh. angst? i suppose the title says it all. raging hormones....
blah.
like... i know that i'm fine. not perfect, but ok. then i get contradicting thoughts that shower down and turn into a hurricane sometimes. can't think properly. confuses me. then i get happy again. then i get sad. yeah....

like this post is rather badly written yeah? oh well. need to put this somewhere....

i've changed. i feel it myself. like i'm more... morose. or more capable of it. haha.
blah.
growing up is weird. especially for someone like me. note to self.

is it a bad change? is it really jsut growing up, or am i getting influenced so much by other people that i've lost the original me? does it matter at all?

i just want to grow up to be someone on the path of the Lord, and beautiful inside.

yes. that is my vision for myself.

what else could i ask for?
love. love for others, love from family, friends..... yeah

i dunno about boy-girl stuff .... lately i've been rather confused about it. like.... nevermind.
like i see rider and dot com and mummy (no not my mum) and errr him and even some ppl at church and other ppl at school and ..... well yeah. and all the while wondering...

sigh

ahh. should go sleep now. mm......

love ya all.